I want this.
13 Lessons Learnt From A BreakUp
After a breakup, especially after a long term relationship, one of the last things we usually want to think about is what we learned from it. Dealing with the pain and emotions is hard enough, but after awhile we may start to realize that even though the relationship didn’t work out, we learned a lot from it. I, personally can attest to that for having experienced it first-hand. It takes experiencing certain things to feel the full impact of the lessons and learn them the hard way. And yes, indeed there were lessons after a breakup, below are some I learned for all that I’ve been thru exactly a year ago:
1. Being Single is Okay I have been in a relationship for so long that I’m not sure how it felt being single. It’s a big adjustment to go from being one-half of a couple to now being on my own. Still, while I gone thru a breakup, I had learned a surprising amount of information about myself especially on what I really wanted to prioritize and achieve in my life. Being single is also much better than being in unhealthy relationship.
2. Love is Really Not Enough When we’re young, many of us follow our heart first and think second about if it’s the right decision. As we get older, that starts to change but somewhere deep down we still carry the hope that maybe love really is enough. Unfortunately it is not - there are lines he may cross that even love can’t fix. And learning that has actually helped me. Love can do a lot - it can get us through some really tough times, yet sometimes it’s not all we need in a relationship. And I learned not to completely rely on the so-called, L-O-V-E . It really isn’t enough.
3. Communication and Trust Are Very Essential A lack of trust or communication has led to many relationships falling apart. Many know this going into a relationship, but knowing and following through are two different things. After a breakup, I had thought about when I could have communicated better and when I should have trusted my now-ex, and yet I didn’t. (Or perhaps, vice versa.) You may not want to think about it and rehash old memories, but it can help you in future relationships.
4. Allow Yourself To Grieve I realized that God had a purpose for my capacity to grieve. To weep. To shed tears of sorrow. God didn’t put my ability to mourn for nothing. As Bo Sanchez puts it: It has a crucial purpose -for the healing of our wounds. Let’s not be afraid to weep for our failures or hurts. And grieve before the Lord.
5. Don’t Shortcut the Healing Process Breakup is so complex, I tell you. It is something so difficult to face, seems like every day is a battle, a journey to find yourself that was lost in the process of loving someone so much. I let myself feel every pain that goes through it. From there I had learned to pull myself together and emerge stronger than before. Pain would never be far, that’s for sure, but I thought I’d be better prepared to deal with it.
6. Learn the Art of Acceptance Honestly, I fell apart when it finally became clear that we weren’t getting anywhere, at least not together. I was hurt and left unaided. But I realized that I can really have no control over to what he will choose. And it is something we have to accept and respect for our partner. Yes, it wasn’t easy. But it will happen eventually. Once the process of acceptance came up to me, I started pulling myself together, figured out what to do, and tried my best to start over. And everything had worked out right.
7. I Can Have A Life That Doesn’t Include Him At All At one point, I envisioned a future with my boyfriend (well, who doesn’t?) and couldn’t imagine what my life would be like without him. After breakup, I found myself saying ‘I dunno how to have a life without him in it’. Still, I know I can, it will really just takes time to adjust. Don’t ever think its impossible; I learned that I can have an even better life than I did before. But it doesn’t mean I regret that he was once part of my life, coz I was thankful for those times and perhaps he was exactly what I needed then.
8. There is No Excuse for Certain Actions In a relationship, we can sometimes be blinded by love. There were times when I forgave certain actions I know I probably shouldn’t have, after the breakup, I realize what those things were and how I should have reacted differently. Now, there’s a good chance I won’t let them happen again.
9. Let Forgiveness Come To You At some point, though its already been a year ago, I know deep in my heart that maybe what I just wanted was for him to have the courage to face me and apologize for breaking my heart. Atleast a simple, sincere sorry. (I wonder if I am asking for too much) It is so hard to forgive people especially those ones who doesn’t even asked for it. However, I realized that I needed to forgive. Not for his sake, but for mine. Forgiveness doesn’t necessary mean you’ll go back to the same level of relationship as before. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to open yourself again to be hurt by the same person. I learned that forgiveness is indeed a decision so that one can have a complete healing.
10. Forgive yourself. Socially, we view the end of a relationship with a negative connotation and give it the label of ‘failure’. I, for one, has really considered it as a failure. Especially on my part, since I was the one who has been left behind. I blame myself over and over again. And I know I’d been too hard on myself. Fortunately, I realized as I venture on the journey of moving on, that just because a relationship has ended does not mean that the relationship was a failure, most especially if you know you’ve done your part and given all the love you have. Both of us likely gained something substantial in either learning about ourselves or for the benefit of future relationships.
11. Healing or Moving On Shouldn’t Stop Healing will never be complete. My sister was right when she told me that I shouldn’t stop moving on even for a minute, coz the moment I stopped and thought that I am completely ok, it will all go back to how it started. So don’t. It is not a good thing to say that you’re completely healed or moved on, coz I learned that it will just lower my guard. It will make me relax my resistance. Because the healing process never stops. Moving on is indeed a working progress.
12. Other Things May Change Us, But We Will Always Start And End With Our Family. They might be the ones who felt most neglected during the span of our relationships with someone. But believe me, they are the ones who will be there behind our back. Helping us pick up the pieces, pushing us to get through. Indeed, knowing that no matter the pain that could have been caused by a knight in shining armor who failed to keep his promise, I did not lose sight of what is more lasting - the ties that will never be broken. My Family and Dearest Friends.
13. Surrender Everything to God. No challenge is ever presented to us, if we are un-able to handle it. Still, it is not wrong to ask for His guidance especially during those times you don’t know where to go. It happened to me. One afternoon, I found myself in a church, in front of the altar, crying and pouring my heart out. And it had became my refuge since then. Eventually in His time, He will provide us the answers we need to know and understand. Don’t lose faith. He has better plans. Just Pray. And Pray Harder. **Through it all, I was able to capture the beauty of time we shared together, and note the valuable life lessons learned. I was thankful for having experienced love, and know that I have become a more better and stronger person because of it. A big difference actually varies on the way you behaved or how you handled yourself after the breakup. And I do hope that I was able to go through it with grace… For those currently in relationships, cherish and honor your partner for who they are as form and formless Beings. Accept the reality that life is full of change, and dance with the changes and challenges as they come. And when they come, view each one as an opportunity for personal growth – when you do that, nothing is lost. All is well, and so be it.
It’s hard to accept, but you can’t change the past. You can’t go back and manipulate things to the way you wanted them to happen. Because life’d be meaningless and boring and just not worth living. But you can change the future and that’s a beautiful thing about life. Yes, you will make mistakes. And yes, you will have bad days - but as long as you let the past go, you’ll have such a gorgeous and bright future ahead of you. Knowing that things were meant to happen. Knowing that each day you will learn something so that you keep growing to be a better person. Life is like a rope, twined in all its complexities and yet weaved into one marvelous stream that you have the chance you use something amazing from. So grab hold of it.
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